14.04.2024 – Diary Entry – Conversations in the Day

What does the Tiger think about? These are the conversations I had with friends at work and outside of work today:

Beauty and Escape

I saw her this week. And I was in one of the most beautiful places in the world to me this week. When you see someone beautiful and you are in a place of beauty, you lose all your cares. And imagine speaking to this beautiful woman, looking at her, listening to her, loving her… For a moment, she is with you. You walk on the clouds and the sun shines in your heart.

My view on transsexuals.

India has had transsexuals in the village for thousands of years. I have met them. We have no problem with them. There is no issue. They live their own lives. What is the Western preoccupation with the issue of transsexuals? And why can’t they just let them do what they want? My philosophy in life is very simple. Live and let live. I don’t have a problem with someone changing their sex. It is their life. How is it going to affect me personally? They only way it would affect me personally is for my love life. And for that reason, I would never date a transsexual woman. Because I want a biological baby of my own and they would not be able to give me that. So that is my position on things. Acceptance, but with a limit. Because for the way I have been raised, a woman is a mother. Western feminism might not like that. So what? I am Indian. We worship the mother goddess. We worship Mother India, who is modelled on the mother goddess. The women we love, we see them as the mother goddess. That is our ideal of femininity.

Is the only way the Western way?

Even in the little villages in other countries, the little children wear western clothes, watch western films and listen to western music. So, you might think that there is only one way – the Western way. But India is not dead in us yet. I watch Indian films. I listen to Indian music. My grandparents and my mother managed to preserve our culture for me by keeping me to the old, old ways. The six thousand years of history are in me to pass on. There is a torch that is passed from generation to generation. Some cannot carry it – they are too weak. They corrupt themselves with egotism, selfishness and greed which is what many in this generation of people celebrate in the West, with its inhumanity and injustice. The Western way is not the only way. There is still the way of the warrior, the way of the Tiger.

Is there a Judas in everyone?

Betrayal is the worst thing. And yet, most people will betray you. Usually for money. So, yes, there is a Judas in everyone.

Tempted by the devil.

Wouldn’t it just be easier to be selfish, a douche bag, to only think of yourself and just grasp at whatever you can get without any morality? Of course it would be easier. But it wouldn’t be right. How would you be able to live with yourself after that?

But when you try to be nice, people think you are weak. They try to walk all over you. The women won’t love you if you are nice. You finish last. In ‘The Way I Met Your Mother’ which I watched, Barney is the guy that lives like a selfish, douche bag, just mindlessly fornicating. His back story is that he used to be nice and worked in charities to help people. But then, he realised what you get when you do that – the ones you love break your heart. They can’t love you. Do you know who is Barney? Me. I used to volunteer all the time and try to help everyone around me. But you know what? Even though I know I don’t get anything out of it – and the women won’t love you – I am not going to change into the bad Barney. Because even though I have done some wrong things in life, at least I can still look in the mirror and not see someone that I despise. I can’t give up on my social commitments. It is who I am. And I am not going to let anyone take that away from me. Even if it means no love.

Choice does make you strong.

Because I am in a career which I have chosen, because I have committed myself to the fight in education for us, the community of the oppressed, because I have committed to save the world from itself, I am strong. I feel powerful. You know where this energy comes from? From my belief. In myself and the power of us as a people. Because I have chosen my own fate. Despite everyone else and what they wanted me to do. I am not the sheep that follows. I am the Tiger that has the followers.

Suffering amongst my friends and family.

Everyone is suffering. Everyone is hurting. So much needless pain. But without pain, there is no understanding and there is no empathy and altruism. I suffer. Other suffer. We suffer together. You look at the people in every day life. Each of them suffer so much. But they still put on their brave faces and walk out in the public, hiding their hurt. The young people with their mental health problems. The older ones suffering from depression and the suffering of the heart.

The religions of the Tiger.

We worship the mother goddess. We worship the Sikh gurus and Guru Ravidas who fought against oppression and for the rights of us, the lower castes. The mother goddess rides on the tiger. So when I call myself Tiger because that is my name of power, it is not arrogance. It is because our mother rides on top of it. She is the powerful one. Her name is power. I am the vehicle. She is the source. In the Sikh religion, the men call ourselves Singh or ‘Tiger’. To fight for justice. I come from the religions of power, the religions of the Tiger. The Tiger is our ideal. And I am The Tiger. Whether or not you literally believe in the religions is irrelevant – you are judged by whether you act according to the religion and Dharma – the ways of our laws which are fitted for each individual.

Why is no one happy in this culture?

When it is supposed to be an ‘advanced civilisation’ which satisfies the pursuit of happiness? Because most people don’t have a sense of self fulfilment from a mission and a destiny. There is only one unhappiness in my life. The lack of love. And that is because I am an Indian in a white society. However much anyone denies it.

Arguing independence with a young woman.

Apparently, cleaning and cooking are what freedom means to this young woman. Ridiculous. What freedom actually means is having the space for thought and doing literally whatever you want whenever you feel like it. And that is what I have. I am a god and have the freedom of a god, just like my name ‘Suneel’ says.

The Protestant Revolution in thought and individualism.

Being able to read and interpret the words is the foundation of everything. Despite everything else, that is the one revolution in the world of the individualistic west that I support. It might be an exercise in individualism, but the only real individuals are The Tiger. Everyone else is faking it. Because only I have truly independent and original thought. It has been acknowledged by everyone that has read my academic work and is in the profession. I am the one that is wildly original. Because I am The Tiger.

Waiting for Justice

03.06.2018 –

Christianity, Islam and Judaism share similar features as religions. In particular, they are all based on similar ideas of justice. In each religion, an all-powerful god occupies the position of a judge and there is a day of final judgement when good actions are rewarded and there is punishment for bad actions. The idea that the god of these religions is a judge is said to derive from the political and cultural context of the time when the bible was first written, where it was the prerogative of royalty to mete out judgement. Since god was likened to a king, it was natural that he should also be seen as a judge. The idea of a final day of judgement that comes in the afterlife is possibly derived from the ancient Egyptian beliefs where there is a similar concept.

Because their god is a judge, justice is therefore considered to be a foundation for Christianity, Islam and Judaism and notions of divine justice inform and influence ways of living for believers. But what is interesting in each religion is the fact that the believer has to wait an entire lifetime in order to receive their just desserts. Justice can only be achieved upon death in another time and space, not in the earthly realm and earthly time and space. It is apparent that waiting for justice is really what informs the believer’s actions and choices. Why is the wait for justice so important to these religions and their philosophies? Why is it necessary for their conceptualisation of justice?

From an atheist’s point of view, the requirement that justice can only be meted out by a god in the afterlife and one has to wait for it forever is a convenient mystification that disguises that fact that god doesn’t actually exist and can’t intervene in earthly affairs. However, let us consider the wait for justice in the believer’s own terms. How can each believer wait their entire existence for justice?

Science tells us that human beings are driven by reward-seeking behaviour. We do something because we get a reward out of it. The reason why we hunt for food is so that we can enjoy eating it. The reason why we have children is because we enjoy the process of making children and derive pleasure from it. The religions mentioned above, however, all defer the concept of reward. There is no immediate reward (or punishment) for action in this world. There is only a divine reward or punishment, not an earthly one. One reason why a believer has to wait for justice is therefore to destroy the reward-seeking motivations and behaviour of the individual. The believer is prevented from following human impulse and the instinctual drives of the body. They sacrifice such impulses and drives for a belief. Hence, the human body is being repressed in each religion in order to foster and support an imaginary belief. The human body is being sacrificed for a thought. One component of the wait for justice is therefore an illusion. My speculation is that this illusion is pleasure-inducing, since the reward system relies on pleasure (the pleasure of food or sex). The pleasure derived from this illusion that there is an absolute and final justice which transcends earthly considerations and the desires of the body occupies a prime place in the reward-seeking and reward-inducing components of the believer’s mind (I believe one can say that this would exist in the dopamine system in the brain).

What kind of a pleasure is induced by a wait? There are two things that one thinks of here, each with a sexual component. First of all, one thinks of frustration. Frustration can be enjoyed if one is a masochist. The pleasure in frustration relies on a simple idea, that the reality of a fantasy will not match the pleasure contained within the fantasy. If justice is considered important and foundational to each religion, it is because the fantasy of justice is considered to be more pleasure inducing than the reality of earthly justice. The second thing that one thinks about is foreplay. The prolonging of the beginning of the act can induce pleasure as a specific type of frustration and inform action. The wait for justice in each religion can therefore be conceptualised as a type of foreplay.

I think there is one further component of the wait for justice. Divine justice is seen as final, absolute and perfect and true in each religion. One can therefore wait for it patiently and hopefully. On the other hand, earthly justice is messy, limited, imperfect and frequently based on falsity and mistake. The ones that wait for justice can therefore be likened to a single person that keeps on waiting for the perfect mate to come along even though he or she knows that perfection does not exist. Such a person will not go on dates or consider any substitute or alternative.

The ideas of divine justice have been interpreted in radically different ways by different groups in each religion. I remember reading a pamphlet from the Jehovah’s Witnesses which stated that the devil owned the world and there was no such thing as earthly justice. What is interesting and perhaps most important about the wait for justice in each religion is the case of the Protestant. In Western countries, those people that are most likely to support the earthly system of justice and the laws of the land are conservative Christians. These people appear to believe that the divine system of justice has been translated into earthly form in the mundane and banal form of the English judge. There is therefore a big strand in Western thought in which divine conceptions of justice still play a big role in the conception of what justice is.

What are my own thoughts about the wait for justice? I believe that one should never wait for justice. I believe that the wait for justice is a mystification that favours the powerful in society. If one keeps on waiting for this justice, then one no longer takes affairs in one’s own hands to change and transform this unjust world of ours. I do not believe in any perfect, absolute and unlimited form of justice that is out there waiting for humankind. The very concept of justice is an illusion. I do not understand how people in this world of ours can believe in this illusion. There is merely the self-interest of the powerful which governs all things in this world of ours, including our laws and conceptions of law. And this self-interest forces those with little power to lose their voices and their will, to forsake their self-interest. There is no justice. Yet, even though there is not justice, there is still self-interest. I do not believe we should wait for justice. I believe that we should fight for our own self-interest and our own truths. That is what the idea of “justice”, to use the outdated and misleading term, means to me.