24.02.2024
Someone went on holiday and she bought me back a little present. She is a very sweet person and everyone likes her.
Languages spoken at work today: English (obviously), French, Spanish, Punjabi. Other days, also Hindi. Every day I speak several languages. I have changed my brain and learnt how to do it. It is just a matter of effort and confidence – you don’t have to be perfect. In life, I have never aimed to be perfect at anything. There is no such thing. That’s why I’m able to do so many things. I’m a generalist. Specialism is boring. And a massive waste of time. There is that other language still. Her one. I need to get back into it. The memory of the journey.
I couldn’t sleep all last night. Consequently, I am completely shattered today. One of the other Indian men at work actually told me that my health didn’t look too good. I can see it around my eyes myself in the mirror. Because I’ve been running around so much this week, I haven’t even managed to have a shave yet.
Other than that, it was a pretty good day at work. Most of the time, I appreciate what a good job I have in terms of the enjoyment and the interaction with people.
When I wanted to be a professor, I wanted people to engage with my writing. That is a dream. People don’t say anything. Whatever they think. But the email I sent out to the university professor along with my book as a PDF? She wrote back to me and thanked me several times. It made an impression on her. It’s nice to be able to give out your book – I would let the whole world read it for free if it was up to me. It is a gift to the world. But the world doesn’t work like that. We live in the world. Such is life.
I get the strong feeling that some of my women friends are not happy with me. What can you do about it? I am busy – I can’t be messaging people all the time. In particular, I am feeling anger from someone every time I’m around them. What for? All my life, all I’ve been doing is just what women want. And are they happy about it? No.
Maybe these women are reading my diary and they think I am naughty and are judging me. You can’t control what someone is thinking in their heads. No one is forcing anyone to read this diary. I don’t even share links with anyone any more. No one is forcing themselves on any women. And I will stop looking at other women and focus on someone when they give me the signs and the green signal.
diary of a lone man 