The Three Women

30.03.2024

When I was in High School, we only had girls in the sixth form. I must have been about fourteen years old or something and we got an Italian descent girl that came into the sixth form. I still remember her name but I won’t write it here. She had her hair short and she had beautiful olive skin with brown eyes. She had a full figure. I admired her from afar. I used to write her love letters in Italian and get someone in the sixth form to send them to her. She liked my letters. She told the guy that they were nice. I couldn’t speak Italian. Back then, I spent hours and hours copying out a whole Italian language learning book from the library by hand into a notebook. And then, I would spend time writing her the poems using the rules and words in the notebook. I never spoke to her. But she knew who I was.

What has changed now? I write a letter to Helen every night. Wishing that she reads it. This is the only time we have alone if it is her. I am never with her. When I am with her, there are people there and no time. I want to believe that she likes me. I don’t believe. I want to believe. I want to believe that she is going to change her mind. But at the same time, I have accepted that she is not going to be with me. I say acceptance – you cannot kill hope.

At the same time, there is one other one that I like that came after Helen. She knows that I like her. That is enough. I will write no more. So that is two.

And then, most recently, there is potential girl. So that makes three.

So those are the three women.

I don’t have a type. Those women all come from different ethnic backgrounds. They all have different personalities. They all look really different to each other. Potential girl is the one that most looks like me – she has the same facial structure in the cheekbones. I saw it in a photograph of us together. The things they all have in common – they are all younger than me, they are immigrants (although one has been living here since childhood), they all talk a lot, are good at conversation and they are all kind. And they are all beautiful to me.

So they are the ones that I think about.

I know what everyone is thinking. You sound like a cheater. Why are you thinking about three different women at the same time? That’s because Helen and the one I like turned me down. But you can’t stop loving or liking someone just because they turned you down, especially when they are still in your life. I picked them for a reason: because I get on well with them and because they would make a good mother for my children. They have the potential to be the Queen in my life. I was or am good friends with all of them and I am attracted to all of them.