18.04.2024
Thought of the Day: Can you ever escape from the clutches of sexual repression?
Picasso used to paint male sexuality as a raging and charging bull. There was a Western equation of genius with rampant male sexuality, so it was in accordance with Picasso’s profession.
But if you have a rampant male sexuality, which is on the attack all the time, you encounter a world of sexual repression. Society cuts off the horns of the bull. And imagine if you came from a society of sex segregation and sexual repression into a ‘modern’ world that you thought was post-Freudian and free from it? Reality is shocking.
What are the politics and power of sexual repression?
My Diary
I am trapped in Greenwich Palace as Henry VIII. When you are in a place haunted by the dead, sometimes they take over your body and haunt your mind. What he needed, I need. An heir to pass on everything to. What happened to him is happening to me. Six wives. I am collecting women. If they cannot give me a child, I will have to collect more. Up until a certain point. Then I will have to accept defeat. But I cannot give up on having a child. I will have to get a surrogate baby. I have sworn on my head that I will have these children. If I don’t get them, I will have to die. That is resolution. I made that oath so I couldn’t back out of it. There is no way out now.
Then, what I will have to do is something horrible. I will have to raise the children without a mother. I am going to take away their mother from them. Comfort, happiness, security and love. That is fate. Such is life. In the Mahabharata, Bhishma’s mother who was the River Ganges did not raise him. And he lived a live of absolute suffering. What can you do about things? You want to give your children everything in the world. And you can’t even give them something that almost every child in human history has had. And this is the world that the people who deny you love want you to love.
I am going to have to become the mother and the father.
The question is, when is the final decision going to be made? The heart shrinks from making it. But, one day, it will have to be done. If I am going to be by myself, I need to have enough energy and life to see it through until the end, until they are finished as people with their education and can stand up on their own two feet. So, I have said by my next birthday towards the end of this year. Time is passing away quickly. Nothing is happening. Soon it will be time.
And then, I will never try to approach another woman. Because I will have my children to look after.
If Helen wanted me, she would have done something by now. She is always meeting up with the people she wants to be around. It would have been organised. It is the same thing with Girl 2. I am dreaming when I think about them. Potential Girl is a difficulty. So you have to accept that there is nothing and you are just wishing for something to happen.
When you come from a sex segregation society without any women in your life, you hope that one day you can come out of that kind of society and you can live in a normal life. Fate is a joker.
But the belief is blood is a powerful thing, the belief in dynasty as destiny. I only count myself as a failure if I don’t have my own children. I have seen the racism of the women in this country and how they treat you if you are nice to them and honest. Any excuse to not have you because you are different. If this is what it is, how can you see yourself as a failure? I’m not going to become mean and dishonest. It is the world’s biggest douche bag that said everything is fair in love and war. I still have my pride and my integrity. I am still The Tiger. And Tiger can raise some cubs. By himself. Resolution. In some ways, it is better. They will be my children and do what I want. No one will interfere with my plan for them. My army will be pure.
diary of a lone man 